January 2006

Poltergeist was better.

On a more serious note, though, unlike other pundits–who actually found something in this film to take apart and analyze–I found the film to be one big mess. Until I realized that Spielberg was showing us what the inside of a liberal head looks like: I alternated between boredom, confusion, anger and depression; I finally knew what it felt like to be a liberal.

I think the convoluted message he was trying to get across, though, was that violence begets violence. I need Spielberg to tell me violence begets violence? I can get that from Madonna. And guess what: non-violence begets violence more. Just look at France.

Well, it looks like the Albanian mafia in this country—much of whose proceeds are exchanged with al Qaeda et al—is outpacing both its Italian and Russian counterparts. Boy, it’s a good thing we “rescued” and resettled that clan here.

In Kosovo, meanwhile, the Albanian Muslims have been attacking UN and NATO ever since NATO “saved” them, and gearing up for all-out war against the West this year if it stands in the way of the logical conclusion of the jihad we helped them fight six years ago. That is, full independence (i.e. an Islamic-narco-terror mafia state without peacekeeper oversight). Such are the fruits of Bill Clinton’s “successful war.” Then again, for Democrats, that was a successful war. After all, we fought for the enemy.

People talk about George W. Bush alienating Europe. Hello-o! Bill Clinton BOMBED Europe! Interestingly, in his penchant for apologizing to people of color, Clinton recently apologized to Rwandans for failing to prevent their genocide. But he has no intention of apologizing for the genocide he helped mastermind–that of Serbs in Kosovo. After all, Serbs are white and–barf–Christian. So what would be the political point of that?

Incidentally, subsequent investigations have found that there was no ethnic cleansing or genocide of Albanian “Kosovars” (Muslims) by Serbs. But who gives a damn? So what if we bombed the Serbs and handed the Balkans to al Qaeda on a silver platter? Why set up a commission to investigate that? Especially since Kosovo and Bosnia are the base of operations for attacks from London to Madrid? What’s a Serb, anyway?

Here’s a mini starter guide on Kosovo—a region that hasn’t finished with us:

The correct spelling of Kosovo is Kosovo, accent on the first syllable. The made-up Muslim spelling is Kosova, accent on the middle syllable. The latter pronunciation is used by Muslims and dhimmis like Wesley Clark, Bill Clinton, Richard Holbrooke and other Dhimmicrats. So if you’re not a Muslim but pronounce Kosovo as ‘Kosova’, then you should be pronouncing Muslim as ‘Master’, or ‘Massa’.

What does Kosovo mean in the Serbian language? “Black bird” (or, more accurately, “of the blackbird”). And what does ‘Kosova’ mean in Albanian? It doesn’t.

Because Kosovo is Serbian. But we’ll be taking it from the Serbs and giving it to the terrorists over the next few months. After all, we gave them Bosnia; let’s be consistent. And what are we giving the Serbs? Nothing. Because unlike the others, they don’t attack UN, NATO and Americans, so why should we give them anything?

Slight problem: Serbia isn’t giving up Kosovo, and Albanians aren’t taking “no” for an answer. So look for a 2006 war in Kosovo. The Albanians have been readying for it since ‘99. Can we take the right side this time? Please?

OK, so Pat Robertson said what we all knew he and other true believers were thinking anyway about a connection between Sharon’s failing health and his having given up Gaza, thereby “dividing God’s land.” Robertson added, “I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU (European Union), the United Nations, or the United States of America.” Robertson also said that Sharon is “a very tender-hearted man and a good friend” and that he “was sad to see Sharon in this condition”.

Robertson also cited the fate of Yitzhak Rabin as further proof of Joel’s prophecy, which “makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who ‘divide my land.’” Of course, if that were true, Ehud Barak, Shimon Peres and the Clintons would be long underground by now.

Although he should have kept it to himself while Sharon fights for his life, the worst you can accuse Robertson of is being a right-wing Jew, a solid Likudnik.

So what business is it of the ADL–of all things–to issue a statement urging Christian leaders to distance themselves from Robertson’s remarks, and defending giving land to Palestinians? It only proves that the ADL goes hardest after defenders of Israel.

Psychics and astrologers in Lebanon again went on TV New Year’s Eve to tell viewers what to expect for the following year, according to this AP report. Last year, psychic Michel Hayek “said a huge attack in the capital would disrupt life in downtown Beirut. Six weeks later, a car bomb killed former Prime Minister Rafik Hariri and 21 others.”

Hey, here’s a question for a Lebanese psychic: When are your people going to stop blowing stuff up?

A New Year’s Day “Insider Report” dispatch from Newsmax.com quotes Israeli military intelligence chief Aharon Zeevi speaking about the world’s reluctance to confront a soon-to-be-nuclear Iran:

“‘I had meetings with senior officials in Europe,’ he told Uri Dan. ‘And their position is, why should we fear Iran’s nuclear weapons? After all, we lived under the nuclear threat after World War II.

“‘And besides, either you or the Americans will solve the problem.’”

On Friday, an AP dispatch informed us of a popular brand of jeans in Sweden that’s sweeping other European nations too: Cheap Monday jeans–whose logo is a skull with an upside-down cross on its forehead.

“It is an active statement against Christianity,” said Bjorn Atldax, the logo’s designer. “I’m not a Satanist myself, but I have a great dislike for organized religion.”

Organized religion, huh? So where’s Mr. Courageous’s logo of an inverted crescent moon and star? After all, Islam is a much more organized religion than Christianity. Ah, but ‘organized religion’ has always been the hackneyed sophomoric rebel’s euphemism for Christianity, and only Christianity. That’s the “organized religion” he takes a stand against, since he knows its followers aren’t going to kill him.

All I have to say is, may Mr. Atldax’s life be full of Muslims. Wait a second! He’s in Sweden, so it already is. And that’s probably why he designed the logo: the poor boy is shaking in his jeans. He must have seen this letter to me from a Swedish-American reader named Charles, written in all caps:


Designer Atldax figured he’d simply abet the inevitable, and help rid the world of the only religion remaining in Islam’s way. Too bad it won’t earn him any brownie points with that clan. After all, he’s probably gay.

The AP article explains that the logo hasn’t presented many conflicts for consumers in Sweden, “a secular country that cherishes its free speech and where churchgoing has been declining for decades.” Sweden is also a country where the majority of births are out-of-wedlock, and a world leader in single motherhood and the poverty that accompanies it.

Hmm, declining churchgoing, single motherhood, poverty and Islam rising. These things always seem to go together, don’t they?

Hey, I finally figured out why liberal Democrats have been up in arms over the discovery that the government wiretaps some telephone conversations. They’re worried that their own conversations could be tapped, and that Bush will hear all their phone sex calls.

Seriously, sex is usually the driving force at the bottom of any liberal policy position. You can trace almost any of their positions back to sex. For example, why do you think they don’t want the Ten Commandments hanging in the classrooms? Because one of those commandments says thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, and liberals are like, “We think the kids should make their own decisions about that.” And why do you think a liberal doesn’t want you to own a gun? Because he doesn’t want to get shot in case he sleeps with your wife.

I outline a good many more of these in an old article titled “It’s the Sex, Stupid.”

Unacknowledged Liberal Credo: Give me liberty or give me tyranny. Just so long as I can still have sex.

Hopefully the Orlando NAACP chief who recently switched to the GOP doesn’t go through what Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele went through when he was running for the Lt. Governor position in 2002: his Democratic opponent’s supporters came to a debate with boxes of Oreo cookies, and reportedly started pelting them at the black Republican candidate. The message, of course, being that real black people can only be Democrats.

But if it does happen again, Republicans should know that Oreo is keeping up with the times. They developed a new cookie called White Fudge–white on the outside and dark on the inside. Because if you can’t be black and be a Republican, then you can’t be white and be a Democrat, or else you’re acting black. Let the pelting ensue.

The executive director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations in Pembroke Pines, Florida offered his view to Florida’s Sun-Sentinel about why this year’s Ramadan was special:

“What I think is very significant this year is that taking into consideration all that has happened within the Muslims who live in America and the … challenges that we faced, the month of Ramadan once again boosts our morale and it increased our self-esteem,” he said. “And once again we apply forgiveness toward those who have wronged us in many ways; the negative publicity and the injustices passed upon us.”

That’s all we need: Muslims with even more self-esteem than whatever it is that’s making them ensure that theirs is “the world’s sole supreme religion.” In fact, it seems that as soon as you convert to Islam, you get an immediate morale boost. Just listen to new Muslina (Muslim Latina) Melissa Matos, who “clasps her hands excitedly and a smile spreads from ear-to-ear” when she talks about her new faith:

“Its simplicity and its universality, it’s for every culture, for every time, every country, it’s for everyone,” she said.

I’d say that if you’re recruiting people to kill and be killed for you, you’ve got pretty good self-esteem. Although if your goal is to make your people more suicidial, boosting their morale may be a bit counterproductive, no? Unless, of course, we’re looking at a new diagnosis wherein excessive self-esteem produces suicidal tendencies.

Eid al-fitr is the holiday that closes Ramadan. A friend of mine who had never heard of it before this year asked, “What do they do–exchange bombs?”

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