March 2006

Newsmax last week commented on the media shrug over Louis Farrakhan’s Jew-bashing fest last month in Chicago, in which he said, among other things:

“These neo-cons and Zionists have manipulated Bush and the American government and our boys and girls are dying in Iraq and in Afghanistan for the cause of Israel, not for the cause of America! Israel is the tail waggin’ the dog, which is America.

“I’m warning you America. You better get rid of them neo-cons. That’s the synagogue of Satan. They have made America weak. You’re a weak nation now, and your country has been taken from you by the synagogue of Satan. They own Congress.”

Who knew that Farrakhan would come to be the most politically correct figure in the world?

This week saw multiple student protests—from Houston to Las Vegas to Southern California–against an expected congressional move to crack down on illegal immigration. There were hostile slogans against America, chants of “amnestia” and Mexican flags everywhere, with one flown atop an American flag which was upside down. At the grown-up demonstrations, there was flag-burning, rock- and bottle-throwing at police, and placards showing the North American continent with America crossed out.

I can tell you right now that THIS WILL NOT STAND. Because there’s no way the Muslims are giving this country up without a fight!

Someone should tell the Mexicans they’re appealing to the wrong authorities. If they object to something here, they need to protest at the Saudi Embassy.

But seriously, this is confusing. Can someone please tell me who’s taking over—the Muslims? the Mexicans? the Muslicans? Can we at least start placing bets?

Supporting the Muslican possibility–that is, the South American-Islamic alliance–is a passage in the Houston Chronicle’s coverage of the student walkout: “‘I so appreciate the fact that young people are getting excited about what’s going on in their country. What could be more inspiring than seeing children wanting to have their voices heard in their political process?’ said Houston Independent School District trustee Natasha M. Kamrani. ‘But there’s a way to protest and then there’s a way to organize to make change.’

“To accomplish that, students need to be in class learning and preparing for college, she said.”

Yes, take it from this Iranian-American: the best way to take over the country is to go to college, where you can learn to be a true subversive. (No offense to the many America-loving, freedom-fighting Iranian Americans.)

Something else in the illegals’ methods this week that indicates they’ve been taking lessons from the masters of conquest—aside from the brick-throwing at authority figures: In Las Vegas they chanted in Spanish, “The united (Hispanic) race will never be defeated!” (Kind of like that undefeatable united faith we’re dealing with—and make no mistake, the two are increasingly joining forces. But their alliance will hit a brick wall once the gringo/kufir is out of the way and the united race is going to have to convert to the united faith.)

One school this week was on its own beam, making kids be Jewish for a day to mark Holocaust Remembrance Day. Rather than cheer and march, being Jewish made students cry. Apopka Memorial Middle School in Florida had eighth graders whose last names started with L-Z wear yellow stars and stand in the corner for no reason and drink from separate water fountains. When one child came home crying and his father asked what he was crying about, the child answered, “I was a Jew today.”

John Tinnelly tried to talk to his son about the lessons he might have taken away from the day, but his son told him, “Daddy, the only thing I found out today is I don’t want to be Jewish.”

So at least one ethnicity still remains unhip: Jewishness. While kids who are encouraged to be Mexican are so happy they could scream, kids encouraged to be Jewish start to cry. On the bright side, this could be proof that true victimhood doesn’t sprout pride, but sadness–so at least we know for sure to take ethnics’ claims of oppression in America with a grain of salt.

And looking at today’s immigrants, I realize I was gypped. Who knew I went about this whole immigration-assimilation thing the wrong way? I had to put up with American-born kids calling me “alien” and “communist” and “scuzzy” (for taking a bath only once a week). See that? No one respected my culture! Immigrant kids have it easier today. These days, if you don’t take a shower—you get respek! Who knew that all that time I was supposed to have the American kids kissing my immigrant ass?

Anyway, between the Mexicans trying to take the country “back,” the Muslims who are waiting to press the button, the Chinese spies collecting information for China’s big war against us, and the African-Americans who are still mad, I just want to say: you’re gonna miss us gringos, kufirs, crackers and stoopi’Amelicans when we’re gone. When minorities outnumber whites here in a few years and whites eventually disappear, what will a Western imperialist even look like? Who is there going to be for the ethnics to be mad at? Who will they hate in America? Each other?

According to the AP, “Lucia Newman, CNN’s first and only correspondent based in Havana, has jumped to the new Al-Jazeera International network, which plans to begin operations later this spring.”

The hire comes on the heels of ABC reporter David Marash, a Jew, joining Al-Jazeera as well. A promising development indeed; Al-Jazeera clearly understands the value of diversity in the workplace. After all, why shouldn’t a Jew also get the chance to report that Jews suck?

Finally! I’ve always said that guy needs to be tested regularly.

Of course, the article explains that he’s talking about other people getting tested. Which is an understandable concern for someone as sexually “busy” as this guy is. The fact that this is the biggest, ongoing concern of our “busiest” president is no coincidence. AIDS has always been his priority; it’s practically the only thing he declared as president to be a threat to our national security. A sex disease made the list of enemies! AIDS in Africa was the only foreign policy he could even understand.

Terrorism he didn’t answer, but boy was he tough on that AIDS. “Aids is bad. Aids is sad. Aids has got to go!”

What did he even have a security adviser for? To advise him on which brand of condoms was safest? Just kidding; Clinton doesn’t use condoms. (Gennifer Flowers told us.)

AIDS isn’t a threat to national security; it’s a threat to his penis–which is a threat to national security.

“Worries About Health Care Now Top Issue in U.S.,” according to Gallup.

Editor & Publisher wrote, “A new Gallup Poll released Tuesday reveals that the issue cited by most Americans as the one they worry about the most is ‘”the availability and affordability of healthcare.’

“A total of 68% said they worried about this a ‘great deal.’ Coming in second is the social security system at 51%. Following close behind that were ‘availability and affordability of energy,’ drug use, crime and violence–and only then ‘the possibility of terrorist attacks in the U.S.’ (at 45%).”

Gallup also found that “the economy is relatively much more important to Democrats than to Republicans, while illegal immigration is relatively much more important to Republicans than Democrats.”

It seems like Democrats always worry about the wrong thing at the wrong time. When the economy is the big problem, Democrats worry about abortion rights. When national security is the problem, Democrats worry about the economy–and the weather.

(Note that in the age of terrorism, the economy is a “ticking time bomb” and AIDS is a “threat to national security.”)

Yesterday Drudge carried a report from that Sharon Stone tells teenagers, “If you’re in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job” (because “oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex”).

She added, “Do that enough and you can grow up to be a successful actress like me.”

Ms. Stone did not elaborate on whether the teenagers should swallow, spit or bite.

Meanwhile, I believe “a sexual situation you can’t get out of” is called rape, in which case I’d recommend the last alternative above.

Our liberals have been called “the French within.” And I found a study that gives this label some substance. Let’s first start by making the easily observable and fairly safe generalization that liberals keep the anti-depressant business humming more than conservatives do. So then add this from the study: “The French consume more medications than any other nation in Europe. Pharmaceuticals account for 21 percent of the country’s total spending on health, compared with 12.4 percent in the US and 14 percent in Germany, according to OECD figures. A government study earlier this year found that the French take nearly four times more tranquilizers than their neighbors, and that 350 people a day are hospitalized due to toxic interactions between prescription drugs.”

“After being surprised by her husband’s role in the Dubai ports deal, Sen. Hillary Clinton has insisted that Bill Clinton give her “final say” over what he says and does, well-placed sources said.”

Like I’ve been saying, the only reason I’d ever fathom seeing Hillary become president is to see Bill become First Lady.

At least one Jew has benefited from last week’s Harvard University report that says the US has been harmed–in the words of–by “being led around by the nose by the Israeli lobby and the friends of Israel in clear violation of the US national interest.”

I am that Jew.

Because my parents have finally stopped berating me for passing up Hahvad for Huntah Kolleedge. (That’s Spanglish for one of the member schools of the City University of NY.) So now at least I know what I missed by not going to the Ivy League. Because it takes a truly special education to come up with the sentence that Israel “and the related effort to spread democracy throughout the region has inflamed Arab and Islamic opinion and jeopardized US security.”

You definitely won’t find anyone genius enough to come up with that one at Huntah! Clearly the ivy has overgrown and taken root in some of the professors’ already maladjusted brains.

I know it was back in November, but it occurs to me that the rocket-propelled-grenade attacks on cruise ships off the caost of Somalia by “pirates” can be added to the media’s euphemism list for the M word. So far, we have “Asians“, “West Africans”, “North Africans”, “disaffected youths”, “civil unrest” and now “pirates.”

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