May 2006


The biggest news of the week was that Rupert Murdoch will be hosting a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton’s senatorial campaign. Asked to explain, Murdoch told Human Events, “We think that she’s been effective on state issues and local issues here in a New York. She’s been an effective and good senator. And if people want to come to breakfast for $1,000, they’re welcome.”

This development isn’t unrelated to Fox News’s desire to remake its image and shed itself of the jokes about its “fair and balanced” motto (e.g. “When Fox News is on at my home, the whole house tilts to the right.”–D.L. Hughley). Other efforts toward this end have been Fox’s airing in November of a one-sided documentary called “The Heat Is On: The Case of Global Warming” after some prodding by environmentalist Laurie David, wife of comedian Larry David. Additionally, Fox has gone on a liberal-hiring frenzy in recent months.

The network shouldn’t be surprised when, after all these efforts, the same jokes persist and it’s still stuck with the same image it has now, only with a decline in the conservative viewership that made Fox number 1 in cable news. All of which means that the network that’s been reminding America that appeasement doesn’t work in dealing with the enemy is itself succumbing to the flawed notion that it can win something through appeasement.

As for Hillary, I understand her wanting to be president, but does it have to be of this country? I thought she hated it. Couldn’t she just carpetbag again and run in some country she’s never lived in?

Reuters carried the following story last week: “A Pakistani couple were released Saturday after serving five years in jail for adultery, their only crime having been to fall in love and get married.”

First of all, what is this editorializing with “their only crime”? Why the sudden deviation from objective journalism as concerns the Muslim world?

Thankfully, the couple found a deviantly rational Muslim preacher, “who had conducted the marriage and dismissed the adultery case.”

Context: “Every year, hundreds of Pakistani women become victims of so-called honor killings for marrying without their families’ consent…”

To shed some light on the romantic troubles in the Muslim/Arab world, let’s refer to the one well-known piece of literature from there, Arabian Nights.

Essentially, the story is about a crafty girl named Scheherazade who, when it’s her turn to marry the king and sleep with him for one night before getting beheaded the next day, she decides she must be entertaining enough to the king that he might spare her life. So on that first night with her royal husband, she tells him a fantastical tale about something or other, which engages him enough to let her live another day. And so it goes for 1001 nights, until the king reluctantly falls in love with Scheherazade and lets her live happily ever after with him.

When I first heard this story as a child, I remember thinking, “Aw, he falls in love with her and spares her life; that’s so romantic. She wins his heart, and…and he doesn’t kill her? WAIT A SECOND! That’s messed up! The great Arabian love story is when the man don’t kill the woman?! That’s the Middle Eastern idea of romance?!”

Well, at least this prize married his women before having sex with them and throwing them away. That’s more than I can say for some liberal men I’ve dated.

I’m sure we’re all familiar with those popular, self-important political bumper stickers such as “I’m a woman and I vote!” or “I’m retired and I vote!” or “I’m pro-choice and I vote!”

I realized that this crop of bumper statements needs updating, especially as certain special interest groups grow in number and gain political strength. So here is an apt addition for today’s America: “I’m illegal and I vote!”

There’s a bit that I do on stage about Muslims, part of which goes:

These people hate America, Jews, and dogs. In other words, everything that makes the world just a little warm and fuzzy. I have a feeling that if I could read Arabic, I’d see that some of the storefronts in their neighborhoods have signs reading, “No Jews or dogs allowed.”

Well, I was talking to my friend Daryl the other day, who last year was trying to court an Arab chick in New York. On one occasion, the young woman took him to a clothing store in the Canal St. shopping district in downtown Manhattan, which was owned by some of her relatives. She pointed, with a giggling eye-roll, at a sign written in Arabic on the door. Daryl said he didn’t understand what she was laughing at, since he didn’t read Arabic. She explained to him, “That sign says, ‘No Jews or dogs allowed.’”

(As of this moment, I haven’t been able to confirm this, despite undertaking a two-hour wild goose chase in downtown Manhattan yesterday because my friend wasn’t able to recall exactly where the business was. However, if I were to decide to risk my life and search the Arab quarter on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, then I’m sure I’d return with more than a few photos of such signs.)

If there’s one positive result of the blatant contempt for America that’s been on display at the rallies and marches of the past two months, it’s that hopefully no one will ever again have the nerve to utter the words “dual loyalty” vis a vis the Jews.

However, let’s for a moment accept this spurious premise of supposed “dual loyalty” as accurate. Even then, the new breed of new American–in whose heart the flag of the country they left flies above the American flag–should take an example, since “dual loyalty” implies, for a start, loyalty.

From the AP: “Efforts by Congress and local governments to crack down on illegal immigration—and the protests that followed those efforts—have produced a surge of interest in learning how to become a U.S. citizen.

“‘I didn’t think it was important before, but now I think it’s very important to be a citizen,’ Leonida Santana said during a break in a Saturday morning class discussion about the separation of powers among Congress, the president and the courts.

“The Dallas immigration services office of Catholic Charities has been flooded with calls from people interested in citizenship, said Vanna Slaughter, division director. The office’s next course begins April 29 and ‘the people have swarmed to fill that one,’ Slaughter said.

“‘When we ask them, they say: “We want to vote. We want to participate,”‘ Slaughter said.

“Nemecio Cotoc, 32, who fled a civil war in Guatemala and eventually became a legal resident, said he will never forget that he was once undocumented.

“‘We can’t elect a Hispanic president, but if we can become citizens we can defeat those who have a mind-set against us,’ Cotoc said.”

When you read headlines about Sweden withdrawing from international military exercises after learning that the Israeli Air Force would be part of it, or about European countries objecting to El Al’s anti-missile shield, just remember this from a Swedish reader:

“THE MUSLIMS ARE TAKING OVER SWEDEN. 38% OF POPULATION ARE MUSLIM IN MALMO AND THAT IS THE THIRD LARGEST CITY IN SWEDEN FOR NOT TALKING ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PLACES IN THE SAME COUNTRY. ADD 7-10 PER FAMILY DOWN THE ROAD AND ADD TWENTY YEARS AND ONLY ONE CHILD PER SWEDISH LUTHERAN FAMILY. YOU CAN GET THE PICTURE FROM ONLY ONE COUNTRY IN EUROPE ALONE.”

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