June 2006

It looks now like the case will be going to the Supreme Court, but last month a Circuit court upheld a lower court’s decision that a California school district can make kids:

Recite aloud Muslim prayers that begin with “In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful . . . .”

Chant “Praise be to Allah” in response to teacher prompts.

Give up candy and TV to observe Ramadan.

And design prayer mats, take an Arabic name and essentially “become a Muslim” for two full weeks (in an apparent hope that it’ll “take”?).

Naturally, 9/11 is what inspired the Excelsior School in Byron, Caliph. to take this turn toward Islam.

The judge who first found in favor of the district over parents’ objections? U.S. District Judge Phyllis Hamilton, appointed by honorary Muslim Bill Clinton.

Front Page Magazine reports : “Last week, military brass — along with representatives from the terror-tied Council on American-Islamic Relations — dedicated the first Muslim prayer center for the Marines as a symbol of the military’s ‘religious tolerance’ and ‘respect’ for the faith the enemy uses to attack us. Already, plans are in the works to build by 2009 a bigger mosque at the Marine base in Quantico so Muslim service members can have a ‘proper place’ to worship, and one that ‘honors their religious heritage.’”

And here I thought I was being paranoid that the Capitol building looks like a mosque. Now all I need is for someone to tell me which way Mecca is so I can say the Pledge of Allegiance in that direction. Hey, maybe we can update the Pledge in time for this 4th of July:

“I pledge allegiance to the mosque of the United States of America, and to the Islamic Republic for which it stands, one nation under Allah, indivisible from the caliphate, with liberty and justice for none.”

Writer Paul Sperry gets it right when he says that “the Pentagon is facilitating the study of the holy texts the enemy uses, heretically or not, as their manual of war. This is tantamount to the Marines setting up a Mein Kampf reading room during WWII.”

Britney Spears has renounced the Kabbalah, and Madonna is “fuming” after spending time and money and gifts on Britney’s indoctrination.

MSNBC reports that Madonna was “shocked” by rumors that Spears has been consulting with a Christian life coach about her troubled marriage to Kevin Federline.

If Madonna finds Christianity so repugnant, she should change her name.

(In fact, she should just go by her adopted Jewish name, Esther.)

It turns out that, rather than an Israeli artillery shell, a Hamas land mine was responsible for the recent explosion on Gaza Beach that killed seven Palestinian civilians and injured a number of others, who are being treated at Israeli hospitals.

Hamas vowed to retaliate.

Meanwhile, newspapers including the NY Times and the Washington Post, which accused Israel, promised to run retractions on page 147 sometime next year. Others accusing Israel, such as the UK Independent and UK Guardian, have decided to just wait until Israel screws up and validates last week’s headlines.

Democrats and Republicans alike are up in arms more than ever over the growing defecit under Bush. I can understand why the Republicans are worried, but why are the Democrats upset? If the economy tanks to a point of catastrophe, we can just put the Democrats in power and they can steal all the rich people’s money and redistribute it like they’ve been trying to do for the past century. It would be like FDR never left.

Mexico won a World Cup match against Iran 3 to 1 yesterday. But in a joint announcement the competing teams agreed, “We’re all winners for hating America,” and vowed not to let athletic competition get in the way of their collaboration to bury the United States.

Writing in the Washington Post last week, a “Dana L.” blamed “the conservative politics of the Bush administration” for an “unwanted abortion” she was forced to get after having unprotected sex with her husband and learning that her doctors don’t prescribe the “Plan B” morning-after pill. She explains how it happened:

“One Thursday evening this past March, we managed to snag some rare couple time and, in a sudden rush of passion, I failed to insert my diaphragm.”

The woman’s story is suspect right there. Like we’re supposed to believe that she had a sudden rush of passion with her husband of more than 10 years! Rather, her laziness to get off her back and get the diaphragm points to a more likely married-sex scenario: She fell asleep.

Had she been honest, she would have had a much better case for blaming Bush: by his example, more men are having sex with their wives.

But whether you take her “Bush got me pregnant” story or mine, it’s a knock-up tale that’s one step shy of immaculate conception. Bush is god after all.

I’m long past tired of the jokes about Fox News’s “Fair and Balanced” motto meaning “so conservative that my whole house leans to the right,” as comedian D.L. Hughley has described it. It’s a good joke, but what FNC critics don’t seem to understand is that reality is never fair and rarely balanced. So instead of “We Report, You Decide,” Fox’s slogan should be: “The Truth: We report it. If you decide you don’t like it, tough shit.”

And I dream of Genie.

No, seriously. What ever happened to the days when Arabs popped out of bottles, flew around on carpets and just wanted to grant three wishes?

Reuters reports that a new study published by the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine has found that many teenage girls feel pressured into having sex.

Someone should tell the girls and the researchers: it doesn’t get any better when you’re married.

Not only is there nowhere to run, but you’ve got Dr. Laura telling you it’s your duty.

This other finding by the study also carries over into marriage: “About 5 percent said they’d had sex after being offered money or gifts.”

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