August 2006

This summer, Sarah Brady’s organization Million Mom March has been showing this little film in movie theaters across the country, trying to recruit more people to the cause of repealing the Second Amendment. Hackneyedly set to the tune of John Lennon’s “Imagine” and sung a capella by a little girl in a classroom as she writes the names of hack-Left heroes JFK, MLK, Lennon and Gandhi, the voiceover says, “Just imagine if these people had never lived. Now imagine if they had.” Here the little girl writes down a name she doesn’t recognize: “Darren Thompson? Who’s he?” and BOOM: it’s the name that appears on the empty seat in front of her, presumably belonging to a boy killed specifically by a gun. Voiceover: “Now we’ll never know.”

What anti-gun advocates don’t realize is that far more children’s lives are saved every year by guns (including when a parent just brandishes a gun) than are taken by them. The child killed with a gun is the exception to the rule of gun ownership. The child saved by a gun is not.

Considering that the Million Moms are the same people who fight for “women’s reproductive rights,” why can’t they just think of the exception child as the abortion they always wanted but never had?

After all, abortion is a much more violent way for us to “never know.” Notice that we’re shown news photos of kids who’ve been shot, but never of kids who have been aborted.

Relatives of 29 year-old Omeed Popal, the man who ran down half of San Francisco yesterday, are telling us that he is mentally unstable and stressed out about an arranged marriage in Afghanistan.

Family friend Zargona Ramish said, “He thought the devil was coming to him. He is a very good person. He is not like that. What’s wrong with him?”

While it’s certainly possible that the guy has mental problems, it is by now a familiar pattern. A Muslim shoots or mows down Americans, and family or police tell us the person is mentally impaired. While terrorists who act alone are more likely than al Qaeda-affiliate types to be mentally impaired, it certainly helps that they’re Muslim, which in turn helps outline their targets: non-Muslims.

Thankfully, our president has stopped saying that Islam is a religion of peace. Personally, I don’t think he was saying that at all. I think that either we weren’t hearing him correctly, or he was mispronouncing something. Perhaps all this time he was just trying to tell us that Islam is a “religion of peas” — like, that they eat a lot of hummus over there or something.

As yesterday’s incident in San Francisco illustrates, it seems we’ve ALL been mispronouncing the word “Islam.” It’s not “Islam.” It’s “I slam.” ( “I slam airplanes into buildings, I slam cars into checkpoints and Americans, I especially slam into Jews…”)

It’s not a noun at all! It’s a verb, it’s a simple sentence. These people are telling us what it is they do, and we’re not listening.

From the AP on Wednesday: “Lebanon’s prime minister says Lebanon will not have direct contact with Israel and will be the last Arab country to sign a peace deal with the Jewish state.”

As if there’s a peace deal that any Arab country wants to sign with Israel aside from a rest-in-peace deal. As far as real peace agreements between Israel and Arab countries go, it’s a race to be last. Lebanon will have to fight every other Arab nation–except Egypt and Jordan–for that title. Come to think if it, I’m liking this idea…

For about a week during Israel’s bombing of Lebanon, Iraqis of all stripes — who are normally killing one another — were getting along. I came across the following Los Angeles Times headline: “Iraqis Find Rare Unity in Condemning Israel“:

“Though embroiled in a bloody war over the future shape and identity of their country, Iraq’s Sunni Arabs, Shiites, Kurds and even Christians have unified in condemning Israel over its fighting in Lebanon against the Hezbollah militia.”

OK, no surprise there, but it gave me an idea for how we can make this Iraq experiment work: Every time negotiations there threaten to fall apart and they start killing one another, you have a Jew pop out of a cake and say, “Focus! Focus! Accentuate the commonalities! Stay with me now! Grrrrrrr–Jew–grrrrrrr!” Paper every buiding with a photo of me and keep those Arabs focused!

Who would have guessed? Israel: a uniter, not a divider!

I only recently stumbled upon this item from last year. Apparently, Goldie Hawn and her daughter Kate Hudson are able to see dead people. This means that more and more people are talking about such phenomena, which will help the subject become even more mainstream and acceptable to discuss.

My own experiences with this are quite limited. All I can claim is to have had some out-of-body experiences–but I assumed my soul was just disgusted with the weight I’ve gained recently, and was out trying to find something thinner. Secondly, I found out from people who have gone to heaven and then visited here to report back — which can happen, depending on how much your dead relatives like you — that everyone is up there: Christians, Jews, Buddhists — even a few Muslims. Because it doesn’t matter which god you believed in — whether it was Jesus or his father, for example. (Though personally, I’ve always had a thing for older men.)

Even atheists go to heaven, it turns out. They just feel really stupid when they get there. Of course, the more arrogant ones aren’t convinced even in heaven. God tries to tell them, “The answer is yes, I do exist. You’re in heaven, and I exist,” — and they start arguing with him, saying, “You know what, God — we’re just going to have to disagree on this one, OK? I’m just tripping, man. It’s the drugs; I’ve been here before.”

But what do you expect from people who think we came from monkeys? (Of course, you and I know that only they came from monkeys.)

Fortunatly, science moves closer every day to proving the existence of God. One scientist is using a statistical method to detect design in biological systems. So soon God will just be able to tell the atheists, “Yes, I do exist. But don’t worry — there’s a scientific explanation.”

It also appears that you can continue practicing your religion up there. Devout Christians still practice their faith in heaven, and observant Jews can continue studying the Talmud. The only people who have some trouble practicing their faith up there are Muslims. Because the Koran tells them they have to kill the infidels, but everyone up there is already dead, so there’s no one left to kill; they can’t even blow themselves up just for the hell of it.

Reincarnation does happen, apparently, but according to medium George Anderson, the spirits don’t much like talking about that because we’re supposed to live as if there’s only one life. Still, just when you thought there was no such thing as a Born-Again Jew…

When Reuters recently withdrew a doctored photo of Beirut after an Israeli air attack on the city, in which excessive smoke was photo-shopped in to make the damage look worse than it was, the news agency issued the following statement: “Photo editing software was improperly used on this image. A corrected version will immediately follow this advisory. We are sorry for any inconvenience.”

Aw gee, Guys, that’s ok, no biggie. Inconvenience? Well, now that you mention it, this oven is getting a little tight. I don’t think there’s room for more than 10 Jews at a time. But otherwise, no complaints.

I think the following apology would have been a little more apt:

“We are sorry for inflaming world opinion against Jews, helping justify terrorism against them, and increasing the likelihood that Jews will be harmed, killed and/or tortured in this already volatile, worldwide anti-Semitic environment.”

And the following p.s.: “Why are you making such a big deal, anyway? Aren’t you chaps used to it by now? And look on the bright side: You people have been through worse, no?”

I’m reminded of 1998, when Muslims bombed the American embassies in Tanzania and Kenya, and Israeli terror-aftermath experts were on the scene in a heartbeat conducting rescue, relief and investigation — as people with the most experience with it. Yasir Arafat could be heard taking credit: “See? We made them experts! What’s bad?”

Being able to get my hands only on the national weekly edition of the Washington Times (which arrives usually a week behind), I only now caught this Aug. 9th piece, titled “Gays Expand Battlefield,” which reports:

After a decade of fighting for same-sex ‘marriage,’ some homosexual activists are breaking their silence to say it’s time to fight for benefits for all kinds of relationships.

Families and relationships ‘know no borders and will never slot narrowly into a single existing template,’ several activists said in a statement issued last month called ‘Beyond Marriage: A New Strategic Vision For All Our Families and Relationships.’

Because marriage is ‘not the only worthy form of family or relationship,’ it ’should not be legally or economically privileged above others,’ according to the statement, which was signed by 270 homosexual rights activists and heterosexual allies, such as Princeton University professor Cornel West and feminist icon Gloria Steinem.

Other kinds of relationships that they say deserve marriagelike benefits include senior citizens who aren’t married but live together; single-parent families; blended families; ‘committed, loving households in which there is more than one conjugal partner’; ‘queer couples who decide to jointly create and raise a child with another queer person or couple, in two households’; and nonsexual cohabiters, such as friends or siblings, the statement said.

As I outlined in in 2004, we shouldn’t wait for society to slide down the slippery slope; we should mandate it. Because the slope, if steep enough, has the potential to solve as many problems as it creates.

For example, the increased number of single-mother homes resulting from the redefinition of marriage could be counterbalanced if a woman were simply allowed to marry her son (a Jewish mother’s dream!). An even greater social benefit would come from legalized incest, which would lower the divorce rate — since it’s a lot harder to leave your wife when she’s your sister.

And polygamy would be instrumental in solving the phenomenon of the noncommittal male — an extravagance that a female-dominated populace can ill afford. Legalized polygamy would encourage the confirmed bachelor to commit at last, leaving him no excuse not to tie the knot with all the women he’s keeping on a string.

This will fast become the most important-to-watch blog on the ‘Net. Check it out. (And I never say that.)

A CNN documentary titled “In the Footsteps of bin Laden” premieres tonight at 9:00 PM ET. The commercial for it had the caption “Know Your Enemy.” Ironically enough, it will be hosted by Christianne Amanpour, the British-Iranian pro-Muslim propagandist who sold the West on the anti-Serb wars that allied us with bin Laden-trained terrorists in Bosnia and Kosovo. She even reported from a Serbian graveyard, claiming to be at a Bosnian-Muslim one. The phenomenal new book by Peter Brock, “Media Cleansing: Dirty Reporting” has it all.

In the footsteps of bin Laden? Amanpour should know; she’s been covering his tracks for more than a decade. Know our enemy? Her treacherous face will be on display tonight.

I missed this back in January, but apparently, after studying mitochondrial DNA, Israeli scientists have found that almost half of Europe’s Jews are descended from just four women, who lived 1000 years ago.

And people said Monica Lewinsky was a ‘ho!

It’s actually not as bad as it sounds — considering that European Jewry is down to about six people right now.

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