November 2006


Well if Germans aren’t missing the Mark! If ever there was a case of losing one’s quarter in the train station but looking for it outside because the lighting is better…

Let me get this straight: Scientology is a cult, but Islam is NOT? I can hear Charles Manson laughing all the way from here.

Look how they put their foot down with the Scientologists: “The government has told internal security forces to step up their scrutiny of the movement….Police and intelligence agencies have been closely following the activities of the group. State security and educational officials have issued warnings to schools and parents that seemingly innocuous tutoring programmes may be fronts to recruit children and their families.”

Yes, god forbid the kids should be recruited for something other than blowing themselves and you up.

“Scientology is not a religion,” Bavarian Interior Minister Gunther Beckstein said. “It is a business and its aim is to gain power over individuals and try to brainwash them….It has a reputation for being secretive, wealthy and extremely aggressive in repelling critics.”

Uh…hello?

“Scientology-affiliated tutoring programmes have more than tripled in the past 12 months, and there are now estimated to be at least 30 nationwide.”

At the rate we’re going, it seems to me that if there’s a religion/cult out there whose recruitment numbers are growing exponentially, it could be our only front against you-know-what. In fact, Tom Cruise needs to get off his ass and start proselytizing to the right people. Go to the Middle East with your Scientology, Tom! We could use it over there.

People, if you’re going to be in a cult, please pick Scientology over you-know-what; it’s much more benign.

Meanwhile, no wonder Islam is the fastest growing religion. Because Jews aren’t allowed to proselytize! That’s why there’s only six of us running around at any one time, and that’s why Christianity is almost on its own in this battle. Though I guess there’s no rule against Jews spreading Christianity (Read in Yiddish accent): “Vell, I’m normally a rabbi, but today I’ve come to bring the good news about Jesus Christ!”

“British Jews are more vulnerable to attack and abuse now than for a generation as anti-Semitism becomes part of mainstream society, an all-party committee of MPs is warning,” reports the UK Telegraph. “The report says that there is evidence of a steady increase in attacks on Jewish people and property since 2000, aggravated by growing tension and violence in the Middle East.”

But it’s England. And in England even the Jews are anti-Semitic. Because as soon as a Jew has a British accent, he decides he’s not that Jewish.

To wit: “Some 300 British Jews have signed a petition condemning Israel’s military actions in the Gaza Strip.”

Something about processed peace that I don’t trust…

England’s newly elected Muslim leader, Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, told the UK Telegraph, “Muslims are frightened now. Many are still poor, under-educated and unemployed and they are finding life increasingly difficult. It is a nightmare, particularly for the young.”

His solution? Britain “should adopt more Islamic ways.”

Equality in misery, anyone?

In addition to getting Brits to attend more Muslim establishments, Bari’s aim “will be to encourage Britain to adopt more Muslim ways, as well as to encourage Muslims to be good British citizens. He thinks that non-Muslim Britons would benefit from having arranged marriages and espousing stronger family values; they would also do well to stop drinking and gambling and to follow many of the teachings of Islam…”

About a 23 year-old Bangladeshi terrorism suspect shot during a raid, Bari said, “Two hundred and fifty policemen seemed too much — and why did the police need a five-mile exclusion zone for the raid? There was a sense that the police had completely over-reacted and huge frustration because there was so much misinformation….If I had been a policeman, maybe I would see it differently. But that is part of the problem. We need 3,000 more Muslim policemen in London to restore trust.”

In other words, “we need more Muslim police — to see it our way.”

But yes, restoring trust would be nice:

“A secret high-level Metropolitan police report has concluded that Muslim officers are more likely to become corrupt than white officers because of their cultural and family backgrounds.”

Warning: some bad words included in quotes.

My attention was recently called to a smear campaign against radio talk show host and co-author of American Mourning Melanie Morgan. The interesting thing about the names that leftists have been calling Morgan, as well as the suggestions for the fate she should suffer for knocking Cindy Sheehan down a few notches off her absolute-moral-authority pedestal, is their sexual nature. She’s being called a “whore,” and other comments about her and co-author Catherine Moy include:

“Hmm…seems to me that they haven’t gotten “any” and that is why they’ve lashed out at Cindy the way they have”; and:

“Perhaps a ‘visitation’ day at an all-male prison would be just okay for these imbecils??”

That second one is suggesting a gang rape by prison inmates, and it is part of a pattern among leftists when they “disagree” with someone.

Recall just a few weeks ago on “Law & Order SVU,” a character named Elizabeth Hassenback (in tribute to the one conservative on “The View” Elisabeth Hasselbeck) was raped and killed. Not tortured and killed, or just killed — but raped and killed. Contrary to claims of coincidence, the “TabloidBaby” blog’s SVU source said, “[producer] Neil Baer and all his writers are liberals. She’s a conservative. Why not have her raped and murdered? Real funny…He’s also a liberal medical doctor and I bet she’s against [embryonic] stem cell research.”

So lefties even think in sexual terms about Republicans whom they hate. What’s particularly interesting about the gang rape therapy for Melanie Morgan is that it’s uncannily similar to the kind of punishment exacted of enemy tribes in the far reaches of Pakistan and other places such as some African countries. It looks like we have yet another explanation for the Left’s affinity for the “noble savage” and Islamists. As well, they might think that if you’re shtupped long enough, you’ll turn into a liberal.

Indeed, it would appear that sex is the liberal solution for everything — even racism and poverty (to paraphrase Warren Beatty in the 1999 movie “Bulworth”: everyone should be f—ing everyone until we can’t tell who is what race and there are no more races).

My own experience with liberals telling me to have sex is so voluminous as to be intractable. But here are two emails I got when I wrote an article blaming the Clintons for yet another negligent dog death in their “family”:

Your funny. The Las Vegas Review-Journal loves to run stories about women (and some men) obsessed with Bill Clinton’s penis. Get a dildo girl, he is never going to fuck you. If your partner can’t do it for you, get a dildo, quit obsessing.
David Oliver
Las Vegas Nevada

Then from a “Mark in Vegas”:

the only other time i read such garbage was from barbara olsen …and that bitch died as she lived.. in a hateful way…it shows live is pretty fair….it must kill you that there are people out here like me who think that the Clinton’s are great people..and he was a great president too…you must have a very sad live..go out get laid…maybe a good fuck would do you good…..or just go away in a big pang like barbara olsen did…we dot need such evil people like you in our country

As I say in my stage act, the guiding motto of a liberal is: “Give me liberty, or give me tyranny. Just so long as I can still have sex.”

In fact, you could trace back almost any leftist policy position to a sexual position (as I outlined in my article “It’s the Sex, Stupid”). For example, why do you think they’re against hanging the Ten Commandments in classrooms? Because one of those commandment says “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife,” and liberals are like, “We think the kids should make their own decisions about that.” Why do you think they don’t want you to own a gun? Because they don’t want to get shot in case they sleep with your wife.

The whole reason they never took missile defense and Star Wars seriously is that liberals don’t need missile defense: they’re so busy having sex that they’re not going to notice a missile just landed on them. They won’t know anything is wrong until they get to heaven (yes, even liberals go to heaven) and God says, “Ok, you can stop having sex now. There’s no sex in heaven.” Now, this will give a liberal some pause: “Woah, no sex in heaven? That kinda sucks. Maybe there was something to this whole national defense thing…”

This mindset also explains why liberals scoff at the idea of abstinence education. As I wrote last month:

I think I figured out why liberals scoff at abstinence education. See, a liberal wants to know that people — especially people in miserable, poverty-stricken places like Africa — are having sex. It depresses a liberal to think that people aren’t having sex, or are having sex with only one person. A liberal assumes that Africans are like liberals, for whom food and sex are core values. And since there’s no food, sex is the only happiness that these poor people have.

Also relevant reading: “The Most Violent People”

A doctor at New York Downtown Hospital has been given the go-ahead and is interviewing prospective patients for the world’s first human womb transplant, according to New Scientist magazine.

It’s an alternative to easier, more common methods of IVF and surrogacy, but it seems a bit of an extreme thing to go through so you can have nine months of discomfort topped off by the excruciating pain of labor.

I mean, I’ve encountered genetic narcissism before, but this is a little ridiculous. How in love do you have to be with your genes to go through a womb transplant? Especially when there are orphans and foster children in need of good homes — and toddlers in Africa to be bought.

When did we regress to our genetic line being the most important thing? That’s a little primitive, no? A bit animalistic, state-of-nature type thing, no?

I mean, if you need a new womb, maybe it’s a sign from above that your DNA is DNR (do not resuscitate)?

All I can say is if you’re going through a womb transplant, those had better be some special-ass kids. You’d better be birthing us some superheroes to get us out of this jihad stuff.

In supplement to yesterday’s article, there is this innocuous-sounding update: “From Croatia With Love” (Monday Nov. 6 headline in UK Evening Standard)

From the moment an official announcement was made by Buckingham Palace and the thick cream envelopes and invitations arrived at some of the smartest addresses in London and across Europe, tomorrow’s wedding of Lord Nicholas Windsor and Cambridge-educated Croatian aristocrat Paola Doimi de Frankopan in the Vatican City State had royal fairytale engraved all over it.

Do not be fooled. It means that in addition to Muslims, Croats are infiltrating Great Britain. It’s yet another gain for the three horsemen of the apocalypse, who are closing in on the free world — Nazism, Islamism and Communism (see Latin America). And that’s without even realizing that Iran means “Land of the Aryans.”

From a Wednesday letter in the UK Daily Telegraph, titled “Witness in Croatia” by retired Lt Col Ewen Southby-Tailyour, who served in the Balkans in the 1990s:

[W]hen in Croatia for the final months of my tour, I saw Croat soldiers wearing swastika armbands. Swastikas were also painted on crossroads and buildings; and not removed by the authorities.

The Republic of Serbian Krajina was indeed internationally recognised Croat territory, but the reasons for the Krajina Serb actions, while reprehensible, were understandable considering the provocations. I am no Serb apologist, but simply believe that blame for atrocities on both sides should be more correctly apportioned.

As Islam’s tendrils entrench themselves ever deeper into American society, and enormous, colorful billboards go up on highways reading “IslamandAmerica.com Call 1-800-al-Islam,” Bob Evans restaurants offer an escape. While waiting for their table, customers seemed dazzled by the latest bit of Americana. The restaurant is selling booklets titled “Remember When…A Nostalgic Look Back in Time” for $6. I took it as a sign that Americans sense they may be losing their country, and perhaps are clinging to the last vestiges of a nation they once recognized — before they got the “change, change, change” that half of them perpetually clamored for.

Put out by SEEK Publishing in Millersville, TN, each pamphlet pays tribute to a year (ranging from the 1920s to the 1980s), and is full of factoids about that year. Every cover illustration is the same: a veritable time capsule that includes a flirtatious couple, the woman wearing an “I Like Ike” button; an old-fashioned TV set; a jukebox; a Swanson TV dinner; a soda fountain with the words “Old Fashioned Phosphates Ice Cold” on the wood paneling; a WWII fighter jet and more.

I bought 1954. It opens with a Chrysler ad, then a timeline of major national events such as “Marilyn Monroe sues for divorce from Joe DiMaggio.” A sparse Excello lawnmower ad is followed by “1954 National News”: The Supreme Court rules in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka to end segregation in public schools; Eisenhower proposes an interstate highway system; Harvard doctors perform the first kidney transplant operation; L. Ron Hubbard founds the Church of Scientology.

Some more factoids: Evelyn Ay is Miss America, life expectancy is 68.2 years, and the Pledge of Allegiance is modified from “One nation, indivisible” to “One nation, under God, indivisible.”

Then an ad for a Roper gas range oven bigger than a New York apartment, followed by a “1954 Cost of Living” chart (new house: $10,250; average annual income: $3,960; new car: $1,700; average monthly rent $85; tuition to Harvard University: $800 a year; movie ticket: $.70; gasoline: $.22 per gallon; US postage stamp: $.03; fresh baked bread: $.17 per loaf; eggs: $.26 a dozen; Vitamin D milk: $.92 a gallon).

Then a movie poster of Alan Ladd in Columbia Pictures’ “Hell Below Zero” with Joan Tetzel, followed by a list of favorite music and movies from that year: “Mr. Sandman” by The Chordettes; “Hey There” by Rosemary Clooney; “On the Waterfront”; “Rear Window”; “Dial M for Murder”; “Sabrina”; and “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”. The last page is a LIFE Magazine cover with Grace Kelly: “Hollywood’s Brightest and Busiest New Star” ($.20)

Maybe if I collect them all, I can be transported back to America.

Just one of many refreshing differences between Las Vegas and New York: My husband went to see the movie “The Departed” last night — in Las Vegas. He reports that a preview for the Dixie Chicks documentary “Shut Up and Sing” came on. In New York there would have been excitement and cheering from the audience — especially the day after a Republican loss at the polls and at the part where a guy tells the chicks, “The Iraq War couldn’t be going better.” But the audience was quiet throughout the preview. Until the end, when Natalie Maines calls Bush a “Dumbf—,” and a guy in the front remarked, “Bitch.”

Dick Morris told Bill O’Reilly that the Republicans lost because the party alienated Hispanic voters. Let me see if I have this correct: we did wrong by alienating…the aliens? Shouldn’t we be alienating them right back over the border? Well, no worries. After Tuesday’s election results, the border has just crossed the border and now there will be very little distinction between North America and South America, where countries have been falling like dominoes to Communism, most recently Nicaragua, where Ortega and the Sandanistas are back in power. The line between North and South America has been muddied (no pun intended). There’s even a Latino architect who’s going to help us look more like South America: Shantytowns as a New Suburban Ideal.

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