Hijacked truck driver: Strange NYC ride was ‘a nightmare’

The hapless hijackers who stole a loaded FedEx truck and kidnapped its driver — only to abandon both after they were unable to get at the locked-up loot — told their captive stories about their supposed lives in Albania and stopped for pizza during an odd five-hour odyssey, the driver said.

Forced to ride face-down and handcuffed in a sport utility vehicle with a gun to the back of his head, “I kept saying to myself, ‘If they’re going to kill me, I hope it’s fast and doesn’t hurt,” Robert McGarry said….Police said Sunday no arrests had been made in the case.

Two forced him into the SUV while a third drove off in his delivery truck. McGarry’s captors drove him through the city, one threatening him while the other struck a more congenial, calming tone, he said.

The 18-wheeler was laden with holiday shipments, but the thieves weren’t able to get at them. They let the driver go at about 1:30 a.m. Friday in the Williamsburg neighborhood. He said the robbers gave him $60 so he could get back to Manhattan; instead, he quickly waved down a police car.

The truck was found abandoned, its contents still locked in metal air freight containers, at about 5:30 a.m. in nearby Greenpoint, police said.

In a Jeff Foxworthy-worthy summary, drawn only partly from this FedEx driver’s experience, Republican Riot brings you “You Know Your Carjackers are Albanian If”:

You know your carjackers are Albanian if:
they stop at a relative’s pizza joint along the way.

You know your carjackers are Albanian if:
while they have a gun to your head, they say pro-American things.

You know your carjackers are Albanian if:
the plan doesn’t go as planned.

You know your carjackers are Albanian if:
they started the robbery with more money than they have at the end.

You know your carjackers are Albanian if:
the journalist covering your ordeal doesn’t believe your assailants were Albanian. (See above: “…told their captive stories about their supposed lives in Albania.”)

You know your carjackers are Albanian if:
no arrests have been made in the case.