This week saw multiple student protests—from Houston to Las Vegas to Southern California–against an expected congressional move to crack down on illegal immigration. There were hostile slogans against America, chants of “amnestia” and Mexican flags everywhere, with one flown atop an American flag which was upside down. At the grown-up demonstrations, there was flag-burning, rock- and bottle-throwing at police, and placards showing the North American continent with America crossed out.

I can tell you right now that THIS WILL NOT STAND. Because there’s no way the Muslims are giving this country up without a fight!

Someone should tell the Mexicans they’re appealing to the wrong authorities. If they object to something here, they need to protest at the Saudi Embassy.

But seriously, this is confusing. Can someone please tell me who’s taking over—the Muslims? the Mexicans? the Muslicans? Can we at least start placing bets?

Supporting the Muslican possibility–that is, the South American-Islamic alliance–is a passage in the Houston Chronicle’s coverage of the student walkout: “‘I so appreciate the fact that young people are getting excited about what’s going on in their country. What could be more inspiring than seeing children wanting to have their voices heard in their political process?’ said Houston Independent School District trustee Natasha M. Kamrani. ‘But there’s a way to protest and then there’s a way to organize to make change.’

“To accomplish that, students need to be in class learning and preparing for college, she said.”

Yes, take it from this Iranian-American: the best way to take over the country is to go to college, where you can learn to be a true subversive. (No offense to the many America-loving, freedom-fighting Iranian Americans.)

Something else in the illegals’ methods this week that indicates they’ve been taking lessons from the masters of conquest—aside from the brick-throwing at authority figures: In Las Vegas they chanted in Spanish, “The united (Hispanic) race will never be defeated!” (Kind of like that undefeatable united faith we’re dealing with—and make no mistake, the two are increasingly joining forces. But their alliance will hit a brick wall once the gringo/kufir is out of the way and the united race is going to have to convert to the united faith.)

One school this week was on its own beam, making kids be Jewish for a day to mark Holocaust Remembrance Day. Rather than cheer and march, being Jewish made students cry. Apopka Memorial Middle School in Florida had eighth graders whose last names started with L-Z wear yellow stars and stand in the corner for no reason and drink from separate water fountains. When one child came home crying and his father asked what he was crying about, the child answered, “I was a Jew today.”

John Tinnelly tried to talk to his son about the lessons he might have taken away from the day, but his son told him, “Daddy, the only thing I found out today is I don’t want to be Jewish.”

So at least one ethnicity still remains unhip: Jewishness. While kids who are encouraged to be Mexican are so happy they could scream, kids encouraged to be Jewish start to cry. On the bright side, this could be proof that true victimhood doesn’t sprout pride, but sadness–so at least we know for sure to take ethnics’ claims of oppression in America with a grain of salt.

And looking at today’s immigrants, I realize I was gypped. Who knew I went about this whole immigration-assimilation thing the wrong way? I had to put up with American-born kids calling me “alien” and “communist” and “scuzzy” (for taking a bath only once a week). See that? No one respected my culture! Immigrant kids have it easier today. These days, if you don’t take a shower—you get respek! Who knew that all that time I was supposed to have the American kids kissing my immigrant ass?

Anyway, between the Mexicans trying to take the country “back,” the Muslims who are waiting to press the button, the Chinese spies collecting information for China’s big war against us, and the African-Americans who are still mad, I just want to say: you’re gonna miss us gringos, kufirs, crackers and stoopi’Amelicans when we’re gone. When minorities outnumber whites here in a few years and whites eventually disappear, what will a Western imperialist even look like? Who is there going to be for the ethnics to be mad at? Who will they hate in America? Each other?