There’s a new children’s book out on the market, called “Why Mommy is a Democrat.” Its description reads:

Why Mommy is a Democrat brings to life the core values of the Democratic party in ways that young children will easily understand and thoroughly enjoy. Using plain and non-judgmental language, along with warm and whimsical illustrations, this colorful 28-page paperback depicts the Democratic principles of fairness, tolerance, peace, and concern for the well-being of others. It’s a great way for parents to gently communicate their commitment to these principles and explain their support for the party.

Why Mommy is a Democrat may look like a traditional children’s book, but it definitely isn’t just for children. With numerous subtle (and not-so-subtle) satirical swipes at the Bush administration and the Republican party [again, non-judgmental], Why Mommy will appeal to Democrats of all ages!

“Core values of the Democratic party”? Like sex and fine dining? At least “warm and whimsical” is appropriate enough: A 2001 study comparing the dreams of sleeping Republicans to those of sleeping Democrats found the following:

‘Republicans are nearly three times as likely as Democrats to experience nightmares when they dream,’ Kelly Bulkeley, who teaches at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, California, claims…Sleeping Republicans inhabit scarier dreamlands, according to Bulkeley. Aggression, misfortune, and physical threats characterize Republican nightmares, while familiar settings and friendly characters populate the kinder, gentler bad dreams of Democrats… ‘My speculation is that people on the right are very attuned to the dangers in the world, and they’re seeking ways to defend themselves against those threats,’ Bulkeley said.

The findings were released two months before 9/11.

Meanwhile, “the Democratic principles of fairness, tolerance, peace, and concern for the well-being of others” (which Democrats have the monopoly on) are all very relevant when a jihad has been declared against your society.

“It’s a great way for parents to gently communicate their commitment to these principles and explain their support for the party.” As opposed to the usual, less gentle tactics of schlepping the kids to anti-war rallies and painting them signs with exclamations about the CIA and “Bush=Hitler,” and putting them in commercials about global warming or commercials where they ask Bush for “more arsenic in my water, please” and “more salmonella in my eggs.”

Notice the book is about why Mommy is a Democrat and not Daddy. Obviously, the author knows on some level that male Democrats tend to be pansies. Where’s Daddy, anyway? Is this about single Mommy? ‘Cause that’s probably why she’s a Democrat.

So, why is Mommy a Democrat? Because Mommy needs the government to wipe her tushy? Because Mommy wants to abort Baby’s future siblings? Because Mommy doesn’t know we’re at war? Because, like many other women, Mommy is attracted to girly politics?

All that aside, this book is redundant: Kids are naturally drawn to the Democratic party, anyway — because it’s an actual party. (As the White House butler told my friends during one of the Clinton fiestas: “I never did see any administration throw more parties than this one.”) Children stay Democrats through college. Eventually, once they realize there’s an actual order to be kept in the world, many of them grow up and switch to the Republican party.

The difference between the two parties is that people grow into conservative politics; they grow out of liberal ones.