A federal jury yesterday found former Virginia Islamic Saudi Academy valedictorian Ahmed Abu Ali guilty of aiding al Qaeda and plotting to assassinate George W. Bush. The biggest question, of course, is: How do you get to be valedictorian of something called the Islamic Saudi Academy? Can’t you just picture the parents’ bumper sticker: “I am the proud parent of an honor roll suicide bombing student at the…”

Really, these enabling parents! Did you hear about the kid in East Jerusalem who lost an eye when a bomb he was making exploded prematurely? This sort of thing happens a lot, actually. And it just makes you wonder, where are the parents in all of this, to say, “Careful playing with that bomb, Nasser. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.”

And we wonder why all their sheiks and clerics are either blind or missing an eye.
Work accidents.

Did you hear the one about the mother who was waiting for an update on the progress of her son’s mission? When she saw his associate at the door, she broke down in tears, knowing what news would come, but instead the man told her, “No, no, no–the mission is not yet complete. Your son is still alive.”

“Alive? What do you mean he’s still alive? What’s that kid doing with his life? I always knew he’d be an underachiever! Hanan’s son is dead; Qudsia’s son is dead–only my kid is still breathing! That’s it: he’s dead to me, until he’s dead.”